The devil wears apples

I’m pretty sure the computer is out to get me, along with the oven, microwave and kettle. I have good reason to believe this. The oven burns me, two microwaves have exploded whilst I was using them and so many kettles have randomly started leaking at the bottom from some inconceivable hole and drenched my stomach in scolding hot water.

Now I’ve left out the computer from that list and with good reason. The computer is a far more evil creature. It’s after my sanity.

I have an iMac and though I loved my 2006 iMac my 2010 iMac is the most sardonic piece of shit ever created by apple. It decides when I get to use the internet. It decides when it will allow me to watch a DVD. It says “fuck you” whenever I try to play games on it and it waits for those moments when I am in the middle of a writing flowing and haven’t saved in 10 minutes to do a system crash and lose all that epic monologuing I had been doing. Don’t even get me started on the programs that are supposed to help me with my dyspraxia. Half the time they won’t even turn on.

I’ve sent the computer back to the care team on several occasions and every time they send it back 2 or more weeks later with a little note saying they did a scan and the mac said it was fine. Well of course it would say it was fine, because it’s evil.